Magic Money Jesus

   And Jesus spoke: "The path of righteousness is simple. Hate and be suspicious of thy neighbor. Do not flip the money tables in the temple. Turn loaves and fish not into abundance to feed the poor, but sell the scraps for profit. Do not congregate with whores. Tell Lazarus his death was deserved. Tell the blind man to stop being a leech. Exorbitantly charge the lepers for a cure. Reject love as your philosophy. Do not sacrifice for others. Do all these things and you will surely miss the entire fucking point of me dying for y'all." 

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